Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Partner or Care-Giver? 

Do you interact with others as a team player?
Do you see yourself as equal partner or supporter?
Do you join with others or take care of others?
Are you a companion or true friend?
What is the difference?

We learn in our original learning lab, our family system, how to be or not to be in equal relationship.
Because I was born into a family in which I was seen as “equal” from birth, I never knew myself to be less than whole, less than capable or less than valuable to the whole.
I have always felt equal to everyone, no matter what their age, education, accomplishments or position. As a child I was always encouraged to speak my mind and share the Truth within.
I was listened to and encouraged to express what was real and loving and good for me and all.
I saw myself and my world as safe, fun and easy to live and give my very best to all.
For much of my life, I assumed this to be normal for all families.
Therefore I assumed others has a similar perspective.
I am now totally appreciative of my choices and those of my parents who loved me without limitation and respected me without question.
My family was my life team and encouraged me to be a team player with everyone who was willing.

Team players and partners work together for the good of the whole.
Team players and partners hold a common vision and goals.
Team players and partners know every member has value.
Team players and partners help one another succeed.
Team players and partners communicate openly and honestly with no secrets or gossip.
Team players and partners give their best at all times.
Team players and partners appreciate and trust one another.
Team players and partners are committed to what is good for each one and all as One.
Team players and partners encourage moving on when it is best and carrying on with ease.
Team players and partners take responsibility for their errors without excuses, guilt or blame.
Team players and partners step up to more responsibility when needed without burden or sacrifice.
Team players and partners value the cycles of play, work, creation and rest.
Team players and partners practice the art of love and appreciation with respect for diversity of needs.
Team players and partners hold the highest vision for themselves, the team and one another.

If you are giving care and support,
You may see yourself as separate from the other.
You may hold that you know what is best for the other.
You may fear making mistakes or telling the truth.
You may not know what the loved one’s vision is for themselves.
You may wish you could do more or even want to do less, but feel limited in talking freely.
You may take responsibility for the other’s failures, disability or depression.
You may sacrifice your own goals for the sake of the other whom you judge to be more needy.
You may find yourself becoming more like the one you serve.
You may see yourself as indebted, beholden, stuck, or duty-bound.
You may shut down your own joy or give up your freedom of choice.
You may try to balance your life while maintaining your “Loving” or ”care-giving “ relationship.

If you are supporting another, be aware of supporting you.
If you are giving care to another, be at choice.
If you are the helper in the group, be respectful of yourself.
If you are the nurturer in family, be good to yourself.

There are some of you who have taken on this role as the only way to be valued. Be aware.
There are some of you who have taken on this role to assuage your guilt. Be aware.
There are some of you who have taken on this role as your faith directs loving your neighbor as yourself.
There are some of you who have taken on this role without noticing it happening. Be aware.
There are some of you who have this calling in your heart as your true life purpose. Be aware.

Throughout life our roles and functions change.
Shifting times require flexibility.
Changing relationships require reflection and inner listening.
When things change, take time to be aware.

Loving our awareness as we learn how to be team players and partners,
Betty Lue