Monday, June 11, 2007

Real Work in Relationships 

Relationships have a purpose and a value to each one of us.
To some we ascribe satisfying our own egoic pleasures and needs.
To others we ascribe satisfying their egoic needs and pleasures.
To those choosing the alternative inspirational and spiritual way,
we ascribe purposes which are in alignment with our spiritual path.

Whether in a spiritual or very egoic relationship, the errors are the same.
Initially in relationship, we choose someone who will 'serve' us.
As we become attached and needy, we try to 'serve' them to keep them in relationship.
The more attachment, the more desperate, angry, martyring we often become.

When we set a goal for each relationship, like North on the compass, and hold true to the goal, we can stay focused on what creates a satisfying and authentic relationship.
When we have no goal and allow the emotional weather of the moment to direct our actions, we become buoyed up by the positive and drown in fear and guilt with the negative. The relationship has the highs and lows of a high sea. And we are thrown about at the whim of the current storm.

The more we receive intermittent reward (highs and pleasure), the more attached and addicted we become.
Gambling, drugs, sex, porn, anything that provides intermittent or occasional high points will become physiologically
and psychologically a source of addiction, need, obsession.
Consistent reward (positive regard and joy) reduces tension: hence less stress and adrenalin.
Consistent pleasure yields a steady flow of endorphins, happiness juice internally.
Intermittent rushes of adrenalin and joy juice will attract us to having moreā€¦.
Be aware.
Choose your drugs.
Make them the ones which are healthiest for you.
(The ecstasy of Union with God, the savoring of the beauty of classical music,
the high of a hike in the hills, creating a song or dance or work of art for the Glory of God.)
Be high and happy with Love.

Sent in response to a dear friend and spiritual sister:
The real work of every relationship is to set a goal for the relationship.
And then to remember that goal each time you meet or think of the other.
My work with everyone is facilitate, inspire and encourage each to find and follow their own path to happiness, healthy and fulfillment.
In other works I empower people and inspire them to live their potential.
I trust their process and free them to live life their way.
I have a conscious knowing that each one of us has a very unique life to live.
My worries, guilt, intervention often confuse the issue.

They try to do what pleases me rather than discover what pleases them.
Or they try to displease me and resist rather than do what is really Right for them.
This is the same with my kids and grandkids, my Mom, my clients and all others.
When I remember this, I do not interfere with their learning from consequences.
I do not take on their pain, nor do I prevent them from feeling pain.
I free myself to BE myself, knowing that my happiness, health and fulfillment are a source of inspiration.

When I let someone else's emotional upset, confusion, craziness and problems take me off purpose and lose my focus, I can be conscious or helpful.
When I allow the world to teach me their goal is mine, I lose my way and follow the prevalent fad or myth.
When I join with the other in teaching and treating them like they are incapable, untrustworthy and unloveable, I confirm their worst fear.

My Real work is to Love, Trust and Free myself and others to be the magnificent, abundant and unlimited creative Beings we are.
So find your path, your high way. Be it and live it in all circumstances with all people.

I am loving You!
Betty Lue