Sunday, January 04, 2009

Stop War 

Are you ready to stop wars at home and in our world?
Are you willing to stop your inner wars and outer fighting words?
Are you open to find a better way to deal with conflict?
Can you imagine a life where you no longer fight with anyone?

Outer wars or fights wishing harm to one another, come from deep-seated inner fears and beliefs.
The stronger the argument, the more intense the fear or need to win.
The points being argued are symptoms of lack of inner peace and willingness to understand.
The risk of ending the relationship, killing the other’s will or taking their life is a sign of ignorance.

Where there is an open-mindedness to listen and learn, there is the potential for understanding.
Where there is a knowledge that we are stronger, safer, when not fighting, there can be peace.
When both parties realize negative effect on themselves in doing harm, they will cease fighting.
When humanity realizes we are all in this together and interconnected, we will find a better way.

Basic Concepts to Stop Wars (at home and in our world!)

1) Stop fighting.
2) Negotiate terms of truce.
3) Build Trust.

These ingredients work for parents, children, relationships, friends, coworkers, religions and nations.

It is essential that the parties stop harming one another with their thoughts, as well as words and behavior.
It is essential that there be a cease-fire before any agreements of civility and respect can be negotiated.
It is essential that both parties stop fighting, arguing, blaming and threatening to engage in quiet dialogue.
It is essential that each side be willing to stop the activity of hurting one another to find room to talk.

Once there is a cease fire, the parties can find the space to listen and identify their own unique needs.
Each party needs to state clearly, preferably in writing, what it will take to have them act with respect.
Each person is called to read and listen to one another, to begin to identify common goals and preferences.
Both sides must agree to disagree without needing agreement and compliance in all areas of disagreement.

Once we design mutually agreed upon “rules of engagement”, everyone’s needs will be met.
Gradually trust will be built by keeping our agreements steadfastly.
When mistakes are made and immediately acknowledged and corrected, there is greater trust.
When all parties truly want peace for all concerned, it is easy to learn to trust and be trustworthy.

Loving us all as we learn to undo past misunderstanding and respecting our differences.
I know we can change the world one relationship at a time.
Betty Lue

PS While Robert and I do not argue or waste energy on fighting, I realize the negative impact fighting has in most people’s lives.
Robert and I both realize our upsets are always are own stuff being projected onto others, so we do our inner work to clear and heal our limiting beliefs.
We seek and find ways to acknowledge and respect our differences.

When seeking the goal of inner peace, there is always a way to let go of petty outer differences.
The very few skirmishes (mini-wars) I have experienced early in life taught me, I want only peace and choose to extend peace to others.
As a negotiator, mediator, life coach and marriage and family therapist/counselor, I insist on a “cease-fire” in my presence.
There cannot be truce or building trust, when people continue firing rockets of anger and hate at one another. (Destructive projection)

And Yes, Only Love is Real. (Thanks, Debra.)
Everything else is made up from our internal fears projected outward on others and our world.