Saturday, September 12, 2009

How Long Do You Wait? 

I have written one common human dilemma is “staying too long or quitting too soon”.
We all have heard “ A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Stay with what you have, unless you know you can have what is better for you.
The grass may be greener on the other side, but is the price worth it?

I often see people make choices for “more” of what they think they want.
I experience people staying with what they have, because they fear the unknown.
I notice people coveting, envying what others have and disparaging what they have.
I also see folks stuck and struggling with painful relationships and negative jobs.

How do you choose what is best for you?
How do you leave without hurting others?
How do you deal with pain and negativity when you stay?
How do you know when it is time to stay or time to go?

Choosing what is best requires knowing what is best for you.
“What is best for you is best for others.”
To live in integrity with your values giving your gifts where they are valued is essential.
To deny yourself what is yours to give and your best way to live is to live out of integrity.

Choosing what is best for others is unknown unless you ask one who is self-aware.
Most fearful people seek homeostasis.
They want no changes in life.
So when you ask those who fear change, they will try to keep things the same.

When love, we want the best for that person.
When we love ourselves, we want the best for ourselves.
When we love others, we want the best for them.
When we are not wanting to be stay in a relationship or a job, it is not best for all concerned.

I have learned, “I want people to be where they want to be.”
I don’t seduce, encourage, manipulate or sell people on anything, because I want them to choose.
I facilitate people in learning to listen within and do what is right for themselves.
We can make it easy for people to stay with guilt or making them commit, but it is not honest.

Life is change.
Human love, ego love changes.
Personalities and people grow.
Time calls for changes.

Often we stay because we have made a commitment.
When we stay because we have to, we build resentment and covert hostility.
When we want to leave but stay because we don’t want to hurt another, we hurt them anyhow.
Our resentment, guilt and feelings may cause fighting, depression, withdrawal and negative behaviors.

So what do we do and how do we do it?
First love and respect yourself.
Then love and respect the other.
Give your best in thoughts, words and deeds.
Practice looking at value of your relationship.

If you are complete, there is no more to teach and learn, no more to give and receive, no more value.
See honorable closure below…….
If you are not complete and know there is more, but you don’t know what to do, try this……..
Be responsible for your own happiness.
Stop blaming the others.
Be open-minded and appreciative of the others.
See the best in them, rather than criticize.
Give yourself room to explore and learn from others.
Feeling stuck or limited will cause negative and toxic energy.
Give your best in every interaction.
You will feel good and confident, when you are positive and productive in every encounter.
Be honest and affirming with yourself about your choices to stay.
Blaming the other for your choice to stay will yield resentment and fighting and negative behaviors.
Trust that you will know when it is for the highest good of all concerned to move on.
When it is time to go, let go with gratitude and respect and move on with ease and honor for all.

For so many, there is learning to be loyal, keep all commitments until death, never leaving what is secure, and enduring suffering as a sign of strength.
For others there is learning to follow what “feels good” and leaving as soon as the going gets difficult, avoiding all learning and opportunities to heal.
For the conscious one, there is choosing with respect to all concerned with care for what is needed and respect for what is wanted, recognizing my brother is myself and practicing the Golden Rule.
Treat others as you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes.

Loving and blessings the Divine Right of Choice.
Bless us all in our learning!
Betty Lue

This may be helpful in knowing what, when and how to let go!
Honorable Closure

How do you complete a relationship, a marriage, a teaching-learning experience, a job, a friendship?
How do you know you are really complete?
Often people walk away without really finishing the spiritual work, because it is easier emotionally.
People don’t know how to come to a truly peaceful place, where “good-bye” is really “God be with You.”
When we are complete, we are at peace and in love. We have no regrets, no resentments, no unhappy memories.
Honorable closure acknowledges:
1) the learning and growth received,
2) challenges and difficulties experienced,
3) appreciation of gifts and blessings,
4) forgiveness and amends made.
Acknowledge within your self and with the other person all that you have learned and how you have grown and benefited from the experience.
Honor and express the challenges and difficulties that occurred and perhaps were endured during the time together.
Offer your gratitude and appreciation to the other for the benefits you received.
Share your forgiveness and/or make amends for those places of unconscious or conscious errors of omission or commission.
Often neither party is aware of what went unexpressed until the two have an opportunity to talk together.
This is very valuable when done with the conscious intention for a peaceful conclusion.
And lastly, give your full appreciation and blessings to those whom you are leaving.
Honorable closure always includes a face to face or heart to heart connection so that all parties have a full opportunity to express their piece of the whole. Incompletion is never one sided. If one party loses and is in grief neither person is at peace.
Do your part when you part. When we complete a relationship, job, living situation with honor for all, we are free to choose again without being haunted by the past or unconsciously repeating the same patterns.
To move on, to create anew, to be fully inspired requires honorable closure. Begin now.
Saying good-bye can be done with love, respect and profound gratitude and inner peace.