Saturday, September 05, 2009

Men and Women Respond Differently 

Yes, how we respond depends on our family history, our life experiences, our personality type, our current state of health, our mood, our level of distraction and much, much more. Remember these are generalizations and may not be gender specific……However……….

If you want an intimate connection and a harmonious response, you might want to consider the following:

Women love to talk, just to hear themselves and feel their feelings and get a connection with caring.
Men don’t love to talk or hear themselves and don’t want to feel their feelings to get connected.
Men want us to say what we want them to do and just do it and get over it.
Women need to learn to write and journal their feelings and share with other women.

Personally, I am much more like the men I am describing.
I find endless sharing of feelings a waste of energy which can be used to make the conscious choices, changes and commitments I want.

Men would rather solve the problem, do the job, fix what is broken and begin again with total closure.
Women tend to archive issues, have trouble closing the file and finish what was sensitive or hurtful.
Men want to hear what women want, not how we feel or a litany of criticisms and complaints.
Women seem to find power in victimizing and making the other feel guilty.

Remember, guilt never works. Rarely do you get the heartfelt apology you think you want, because guilt creates either a desire to withdraw and avoid or to blame and cast the guilt back causing the argument.

Women often use their emotionality and sensitivity as a tool to get what they think they want.
Sometimes it works, but often it backfires and results in less attention and more criticism.
Men want to make women happy, make problems go away and just to do what needs to be done.
Men are nagged to share their feelings and say what they want, but then get why it doesn’t work.

If men are asked what they want, it must be “safe” to share. Otherwise, they will share their best guess of what the woman is wanting them to answer. It is difficult to discover what you really want, when it is never “right” or affirmed by the woman. We learn this in childhood, when mothers may ask, but it is not safe to tell your true desire.

Woman may use the withdrawal of love and affection, or their tears and anger, to get power and attention.
This form of manipulation often creates men losing trust and being fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing. They may take care of themselves by working overtime or escaping into TV or movies.

The feminine or receptive energy is the most powerful in guiding the direction of the family. Where the love, nurturing and nourishing, is the family will respond. The mother, wife, care-giver needs to be conscious, wise and spiritually connected to appropriately use their energies to lead the whole family to health, happiness and harmony. This is a fine art and must be done with great spiritual connection and awareness. When the feminine energies are misused because of fear, anger or covert hostility, the family system often moves into the power of force, threats, demands, violent words and angry outbursts. When people don’t feel safe and loved (respected and valued), they often become reactive or leave( emotionally and/or physically).

The key is to become a safe place of inner peace, self-generated happiness and willingness to nourish and nurture the best in all members of the family.

Whether you are a man or a woman…how can you be your best Self, happy and fulfilled?
How can you love everyone in the way they will recognize they are loved unconditionally?
How can you stop blaming or criticizing, threatening or demanding?
How can you live your life creating goodness, beauty and harmony for those around you?
How can you give the best to yourself and others, to teach others to give their best as well?

The more I love and respect myself, the more I love and respect others.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect me.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect themselves.
The more I love and respect myself, the more others love and respect others.

The answer lies within YOU.

Loving you,
Betty Lue

Taken with Robert’s cell phone...:)
Beckett speed reads and Harper flies.

What a beautiful harmonizing spirit.
Lila brings everyone more peace and happiness while maintaining her own independence and equanimity. Such a joy!